we have four cats

We have four cats

We have a cat, his name is Loki Cat, we have four cats and Loki is one of those cats, of all my cats Loki is the most cat like, he consumes all of his life manifestations in this manner of representation and one would not think him a very sensitive fellow, certainly the other cats know that Loki is going to do things his way and everyone else better watch out.

Our other male cat is Pacho, Pacho is the backdrop by which Loki demonstrates his maleness, Pacho is aware that his role in our household is to be fragile so that Loki can be strong, Loki attacks Pacho, Pacho never attacks Loki Cat, he is our timid cat and as such the one that we have to spend the most time protecting from Loki claws.

There are two female cats, Sarah and Lolita, Sarah is the matriarch of the family and as such the greater of all characters and she is very tender and loving while maintaining a strong sense of dignity. When I found her at the pet shop it was because she was screaming: “take me out of this cage, you have to rescue me from this hell hole, there is brutality in this world take me away from here!”

Sarah was older than I had wanted, I didn’t know anything about cat ages then so I didn’t realize it but she must have been six months old, which I think in cat years is more; anyways the thing was that something inside of Sarah told her, “there is your owner, that is the guy, scream now, scream louder, louder or he is going to escape…” and she was meowing: “these peoples are brutes, this cage is feces wridden, the food sucks here, I don’t like all these animals, get me out of here.” Of course all I could hear was “meow, MEOW, MEOW!”

One day my wife Domaine said to me, “I want a cat, I WANT A CAT, I WANT A CAT!” and I said, “I don’t like cats, I like dogs.” Cats seemed sissy like, they appear the dandies of the animal kingdom, or at least to me they appeared cold and arrogant, I once heard them described in a comic strip as “the perfect Human Resources director is a cat because they give the impression that they like people when they really don’t.” that made sense to me. One day Domaine came home with Loki, I didn’t pay attention to him for the next year, it was something that was growing and eating in my house, lots of spiders and insects and fungi did that too, so I just ignored him.

But one day I thought to myself I don’t want to have to take care of this cat thing so I must get him a companion, all things in life come in pairs, if I don’t get him another cat this guy is going to demand more attention from me and that isn’t going to happen. So I went to the pet store convinced that I would get another boy cat so as to eliminate the possibility of more cats being born; only Sarah started to scream “you will take me with you,” i.e. “MEOW” and I lost control and rescued her from the hell that is a pet store. On the way home the taxi driver asked me if she was female or male, I fumbled around trying to find her balls and she didn’t have any.

One day Domaine was working on her notebook laying on the couch with Sarah on her legs when she started to feel something else moving down there and as she motioned to look over her notebook screen there was a little mothball of hair, orange and black hues leather with eyes, and thus was born Lolita. Her mother never uttered a cry of pain a lesson and fine example of probity to all would be mothers.

We appropriately named Loki the mischievous cat of Nordic mythology, and Sarah one day just called herself Sarah and we sort of accepted it. Pacho came into the house after Domaine too found him somewhere saying “take me home” and she just could not resists, I hope those are not the same parameters by which Domaine decided to marry me. We didn’t name Lolita right away, we didn’t know what to call her, I think it was because her mother rejected her at first. Sarah was kind of not there next to her little baby girl, she kept a distance and we panicked and called the veterinarian; a very nice man that has been around cats and dogs and snakes long enough not to panic, and he said: “Sarah doesn’t yet connect the fact that she is a mother, she doesn’t know what that thing is and is still trying to identify with it. In time she will come to realize that it is her baby.” And doc was right, in a matter of a week or two Sarah accepted her lot in life and she never left the side of her baby unless it was to eat so as to replenish. She was such a good mother that one day we thought they would like an electric blanket and placed it underneath, and Sarah feeling the heat thought it was a fire and grabbed her little kitty by the neck and took off for safer ground.

It was at about this point, the entrance of Lolita into the world, that Loki Cat and Pacho started their territorial war, it seemed that they both wanted to secure sexual pleasures from both the daughter and the mother, and thus begun the hellish territorial war that has divided our household hitherto. More interesting is the fact that Loki doesn’t know that even though he is Sarah’s husband it was indeed Pacho, the passive fear stricken cat, that fathered the girl. We know this because Loki had been neutered and we were just about to neuter Pacho too when suddenly we were a day or two too late. And this is how the aggressor cat thinks that he is passing on his DNA while in reality the meek one has inherited the earth, his wife and daughter.

As I was saying we waited and waited to name Lolita waiting for her to tell us too what to call her, as she dallied around the house it became evident that Lolita didn’t care about anyone but herself, she was all, “don’t touch me, don’t love me, I don’t need you to love me, what is there to eat in this house? I am comfortable for now but stay put in case I need something.” And the whole time there was absolutely an attitude of “I don’t know if I like it here yet, I might leave at any time, I will develop an illness if I have to die to leave this rat hole;" or "...am just getting used to this place, don’t get used to me.” Appearance wise she was a Lolita cute in every way, appearing harmless but her attitude was all Lola, she was out to have fun on her own terms, one day sitting at the table, I said, “her name is Lolita” and sure it was.


RC